Current job title: Mom, mom, mommy, MOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Today, I came across a box that held diplomas and certificates that were the proof that once upon a time, I had a plan for success. In that plan, my name was followed up with: R.T.R MR

Now, my professional name is "Mom, mom, mommy, MOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

I used to wake up, put on scrubs, and go to work. There, I made an honest living, and got compensated for a days work.

Now, I wake up in yesterday's clothes. They're smeared with cookie fingerprints and toothpaste. Despite if I'm elbows deep in scrubbing a toilet, when my bosses demand a snack, I better quit what I'm doing and serve them up. If I don't meet their every expectation in a timely manner, the whole neighborhood will hear about it. There will be screaming, and crying, and stomping of the feet.

Other than to change diapers, or read a few books, the first time I sat down all day was to eat dinner with my family. My day was full of chaos, chores, and more chaos. I felt like I was running in quick sand all day. Working all day, with nothing to show for it. My kids won't even remember this day. To them this is normalcy, to me, it's a far cry from what my days used to be like.

Having 3 kids was always the plan for me. Having 3 kids in 2 years, was not. But as a mom, I came to a crossroad in my life where I had to make a life changing decision. Keep working, just to pay someone else to raise my children, or say BYE BYE to my career.

Sacrifice, is the act of giving up something that you want to keep, especially in order to help someone else.

Leaving my job so early in my career, was one of the hardest sacrifices I've had to make to date as a woman. I mean that's going up to bat next to C-section scars, stretch marks, and peeing when I sneeze.

I spent the first year of my daughters' lives feeling trapped in a little house, with 3 little humans I created. I cried nightly in the shower, secretly resenting my husband because he could sit in a car for 20 minutes in pure silence. He got to socialize with people who could actually form a sentence. He could eat his food while it was still hot. He went to the bathroom with out an audience. He had a life outside of this house, outside of us. I was jealous. I was overwhelmed. I felt guilty.

I felt guilty for not having a better appreciation of getting to be home with my children. When I worked, missing my son's first steps, and first words were some of the hardest things for me. Now here I was, witnessing every single moment of my children....and I felt selfish....because I missed my career. What mom wants to voice that to her husband or the world? Surely, I didn't. Moms have it dang hard. The minute you give birth to a child, you will spend the rest of your life putting that person before yourself. The world thinks this should come natural, and easy. Well, it doesn't always.  But saying that out loud is like admitting that you're failing as a mother. Who wants that type of weight on them? Not me.

I am a mother, but it doesn't define my entire identity. That's okay. It took me a year, and many talks with my husband to realize this. Women have many different parts of them, that define them as a whole. Being a mom is a large part for most, but it doesn't have to be the only part. You can't lose yourself taking care of these little beings that you forget you have needs, wants, and passions outside of  them. I thought that since my "job" was being a mother, I needed to go all in, all the time, to succeed. I used to feel guilty for taking a shower, while my husband dealt with crying babies. I thought it was my "job" as a mother to be there to pacify every little upset. I see now, that my job is to raise healthy, happy children. I can't do that if I'm pouring from an empty glass. Mother's have to take care of themselves first, to be the best version for their children. So, if that means finishing your wash, rinse and repeat in the shower, then you better bet your butt I'm going to do just that. If it means finishing a cup of coffee while it's still hot, before you read the nursery rhyme book, drink the coffee. Working people get a bathroom break. So now, I'm going to shut that door and do my business in private, the kids will survive. I'll read a book, go to a yoga class, plant some flowers, and do it with out a kid attached to me. I can't be a mom, with out being Amanda too

So my day job may look a little different than what I envisioned for myself years back. But, it's okay. Because what I am doing here, in this house, is important.  On your very first day of motherhood, you get thrown into it blindly. The hardest part, is learning and growing at the same time your children are. Mothering is multi-tasking at it's finest. There's no strict plan to follow as a mother that guarantees you'll be led to success. And right now, the only success I care about, is raising 3 healthy, happy children and making sure I shower periodically.

Finally, I have come to terms that my plan wasn't ruined. It just simply changed. It grew with me. It's bigger and better than I could even think up on my own. Moms adapt. It's what we do. When the rest of the world sees a road closing, we readjust ourselves and find a different path. That's something to be pretty darn proud of. I no longer have shame in putting my career on the backburner. Because, honestly, who else would really want to be cooped up with two 2 year olds and a 4 year old all day?! Any sane takers out there? I didn't think so. So if someone has to step up to this job, I will proudly take the position!

The absolute most honest living I could be doing, is right now. I'm raising and molding these little people. One day, I will have the best compensation any job permits. With all hopes of mine, they will grow up healthy, happy, and be able to define their own success.


Maybe, one day, I'll dust off that box of diplomas. I will show my children a side of their mom they never got to see. I will be proof that plans change, and sometimes, when you least expect it, you'll realize it's all for the better.