Whine, Whine, and WINE

I swear wine was created for the mother raising a toddler girl.

It was not long ago, I had two sweet, cute , cuddly, love tanks.

Now, I have two cute....tank destroyers.

I used to think "terrible twos" was just something people made up. I thought they didn't know how to handle their child appropriately, so they put a label on the bad behavior to justify it. That is when I was raising a boy. Now, I have two girls, who just turned 2 in March. Let me tell you, the terrible twos, are very real folks. 

Let this be known, I love my children with every ounce of my being. Let it also be known, like and love are two VERY different words. Can we be real here for a moment?  Has there ever been a parent in the history of parents, that absolutely "LIKES" their child every, single moment of their existence? If there is, I applaud you. I also am curious what your sanity level is?

Today, I found my self in too many situations telling my daughters, "Mommy loves you, but I do not like the way you are acting right now."

Google tells me that "Terrible Twos" is defined as a short period in a child's life when they become unruly and defiant. I like to call it as far as I can see it, a NEVER ENDING period in a child's life when they're going to do what ever the heck they want, and mommy drinks a lot of wine in the process.

I woke up this morning to the cries of one of my daughters. I instantly thought "well that's great, she's waking up on the wrong side of the crib today." As I lay in bed, contemplating if I really wanted to be a mom today or not, the cries started to get more serious. All moms can tell you that their kids have different cries for many different things. There's the cry that you can ignore, the one that you can settle from another room, the one that you better get off the couch for, and the one that needs medical attention.  Well this cry turned from me rolling back over in bed, to me sprinting into their room.

As I run into the room, I see that my Houdini of a daughter, A,  has climbed out of her crib, and into her sister's. Now there is about a 2 inch, 4 pound difference in my girls. But don't let that little one fool you, she is fierce. Here she was, having her sister pinned face down in her bed, and she was sitting on top of her head. My youngest, K, was crying so hard, that she had thrown up. All while A  sat on top of her like she was waiting for the pony ride to start any minute.

People, that was just the first 3 minutes of my day. K cried because I put her milk in the wrong colored cup.  She cried because she wanted her dad to do her hair, then she cried because her dad DID her hair. She cried because she wanted the blue bow, and I gave her the pink bow. She cried because she wanted to put her own underwear on, then cried because she put both legs into one leg hole. She cried because her brother touched her breakfast plate. ( yes. that's right. we haven't even made it past breakfast yet.)

Our daughter, A, naps in our bedroom in a pack and play. Well, today she kept up her Houdini act by escaping the pack and play. I had 2 failed attempts of putting her back in the pack and play. I resorted to just putting a baby gate in our doorway, so she couldn't get out of our room. It was not much longer and my son came down and said " Uh, we have a problem upstairs, A escaped your room." I looked at my husband and asked, "It is probably frowned upon to put a piece of plywood on top of her pack and play, huh?"

So...now here we were, half way through the day and one of the girls refused to nap. If you have a toddler girl...you know this means you're doomed for the rest of the day. You look at the clock and see it's only 12:30 in the afternoon, so it's probably frowned upon to start uncorking that wine yet. How in the world are you going to survive until bedtime?!

Attitude. My daughters have an attitude of a teenager, with the looks of a baby. That's how they stay alive. They do things they KNOW they're not allowed, all while they look at you hoping to get a reaction. When they wouldn't listen to me, I put them in time out. Now, as soon as I ask them to pick up their toys, they instantly walk over and put their OWN little butts into time out, instead of picking up. THE NERVE!!! They take all the satisfaction out of punishing them. They are only TWO YEARS OLD! What is this going to be like when they're teenagers?! They've already outwitted their mother.  We are doomed.

Has anyone found the secret to surviving the terrible twos? Please, speak up. I'm losing my sanity over here. Every time someone cries because the peanut butter is touching the jelly on their sandwich, a little bit of my patience dies forever.

My son, he is a walk in the park. He knows right from wrong. He never tests the limits. You ask him to pick up, and he does. The only time the kid cries is when he's physically hurt. If he puts two legs into one leg hole, he laughs about it, because it's funny. There is no drama. He doesn't run around sitting on people's heads.


It's bedtime. We separated the girls' cribs today so my daughter can no long try to turn her sister into a carnival pony. A cried for an hour tonight, because she didn't like that we moved her bed 4 inches to the right.  K, on the other hand, will probably have the best sleep she's ever had tonight. Finally, the girl can sleep in peace.

As for me, I'm going to finish my 2nd...okay, 3rd glass of wine. I will lay in bed, wondering where today went in all the chaos. I'm going to lay awake worrying that I'm doing this all wrong. How is it even possible that these unruly, defiant little girls will grow up to be well mannered, productive citizens. I joke to people and say they will either be the leaders of a prison gang, or president of the United States. Okay, part of me is joking, the other part of me is seriously concerned that might be true.

To all the mommas out there raising a strong willed daughter. Bless you. Hang in there. It's a wild ride, and you sure are not alone. Let's take solace in knowing that we too, were probably a wild eyed two year old terror. We turned out okay, right?

Now go drink a glass of wine, and have one or more, for me too.